Erap heard a guy at a nearby table saying "All Filipinos are assholes."
Erap: Who said that?
(The guy stood up, 7 ft. pala!)
Guy: Why, are you a Filipino?
Erap: No, I'm an asshole.

Q: Why does Erap like a BMW better than a Volkswagen?
A:He can spell BMW.

Q: How did Erap break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.

Q: Why did Erap instruct his maid to change his baby's diaper only once a month?
A: Because it says right on the package that it's good for up to 20 pounds.

Q: Why doesn't Erap eat Jell-O?
A: Because he can't figure out how to get 2 cups of water into those little packages.

Q: Why does Erap keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
A: They are for those who don't drink!

Q: How do you confuse Erap?
A: Stick him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Q: Why did the Erap stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.

Q: Why was the Erap proud for finishing a puzzle in only sixmonths?
A: The box said "2 to 4 years!"

Q: If Erap and Cory are tossed off a building, who hits the ground
first?
A: Cory... Erap has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: Why did Erap tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did Erap always wear condoms on his ears every time he has sex?
A: So he wouldn't get hearing aids.

Q: What did Erap do when he heard that 90% of accidents occur
around the home?
A: He moved.

Doctor: What happened to your 2 red ears?
Erap: I was ironing and the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.
Doctor: Oh dear! What happened to your other ear?
Erap: That sonuvab*tch called back!

Q: Why did Erap instruct his maid to change his baby's diaper only once a month?
A: Because it says right on the package that it's good for up to 20 pounds.

Q: Why doesn't Erap eat Jell-O?
A: Because he can't figure out how to get 2 cups of water into those little packages.

Q: Why did Erap tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did Erap always wear condoms on his ears every time he has sex?
A: So he wouldn't get hearing aids.

Erap: Isasauli ko tong nabili kong VHS tape.
Clerk: Anong problema?
Erap: Walang picture tsaka sound. Sayang, suspense thriller pa yata.
Clerk: Anong title?
Erap: Head Cleaner.

Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the Malacañang palace without his clothes on.
Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something...
Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!

Erap's wisdom:
1. Don't judge a book if you're not a judge.
2. Birds of the same feathers are the same birds.
3. Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you mine.
4. An apple a day is 7 apples a week.

Q: Why does Erap always smile during lightning storms?
A: He thinks his picture is being taken.

Q: Why does Erap have "TGIF" written on his shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: How can you tell when Erap sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why can't Erap dial 911?
A: He can not find the eleven on the phone!

Q: What do you do if Erap throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell, he's got a grenade in his mouth!

Q: Why did Erap get fired from his job at the M & M's factory?
A: He kept throwing out the Ws.

Q: Why does Erap have "TGIF" written on his shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: How can you tell when Erap sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why can't Erap dial 911?
A: He can not find the eleven on the phone!

Q: What do you do if Erap throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell, he's got a grenade in his mouth!

Q: Why did Erap get fired from his job at the M & M's factory?
A: He kept throwing out the Ws.

Erap, who is tired of being thought of as dumb, disguised himself with beard and sunglasses. To prove his point, he goes to a sheep ranch and asks the sheep herder if he can guess the number of sheep in his herd, can he have one?
The herder says "Go ahead". He looks at the herd and says, "352 sheep". The sheep herder is amazed and said to pick any sheep he wanted.
As Erap is ready to leave the sheep herder says, "If I can guess who you are, can I have my dog back"?