The Philippine's Biggest Joke Depository
Get a Joke Everyday in your e-mail







November 22

Kapag umiiyak ang baby, i-PAMPERS mo, kung umiiyak pa rin i-KIMBIES mo,
kung ayaw pa ring tumigil sa kakaiyak, i-HUGGIES mo na!

MOTHER SUPERIOR: Umalis ka na dito sa kumbento!
NUN: Mother, dahil ba sa pag gamit ko ng vibrator?
MOTHER SUPERIOR: Hindi yon. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko e yung pinakikialaman ang
gamit ko.

MAN 1: Away kami ni misis kanina, nagwawala nag HISTORICAL siya.
MAN 2: Pre, baka ang ibig mong sabihin ay HYSTERICAL
MAN 1: Hindi, historical talaga kasi lahat ng kasalanan ko dati sinabi.

BOY: Mommy, mommy how do lions make love?
MOM: Sorry iho, lahat ng kakilala ko mga Rotarians.

Different religions. 
Mike Velarde - El Shaddai
Jinggoy - El Lagay 
Jude - Juice Ko Day 
Erap - El Puday 

NEWSFLASH!: Si Erap nagpa-encash ng tseke sa bangko, tumalbog ang bangko. 

NEWSFLASH!: White Christmas for Gloria Macapagal. Mamumuti na ang mga mata niya, hindi pa aalis si Erap! (Baka pati buhok niya mamuti na din)

Bakit tuwang-tuwa ang mga bakla kay Chavit? 
Dahil ibinulgar niya na malaki
ang 2 balls ni Erap. 

More Erap Translations
Afghan - Kopeyt Andyan 
Bangladesh - Putik Utaq Bo 
Burmese - Sahng Ga Nu 
Chinese - Sy Lao Peh La 
Taiwanese - Se Pa-En 
Malaysian - Mohas Ganid 
Pakistani - Mus Tackao 
North Korean - Kim II Bobo 
South Korean - Roh Tah Nga 
Iraqi - Sakkang Hussein 
Egyptian - Uloy Mapurol 
Turkish - Dogrel Patal 
Honduran - Waleska Naa 
Portuguese - Val Lasuba-es 
Mexican - Tumador del Vino 
Spanish - Rico Nuevo de Jueteng 
Italian - Perazzi Muzzi 
Latin - Eraptus Vobis 

November 24

Dong Puno: Mr. President, the new Filipino boxing champion is here to give
you a courtesy call.
Erap: Uhmmm.... anung pangalan niya?
Dong Puno: Pacquiao, Mr. President.
Erap: Gagoh ka! PAK YOU TOO!

Noli Boy: Jude, sa dami ng nangyayari dito sa ating bansa at sa mahal
nating Presidente, ano ba ang gusto mo talagang mangyari?
Jude: Alam mo Noli, madami akong gustong mangyari para sa bansa natin pero
ang pinakagusto ko talagang mangyari e........magkabalikan na sina Sharon
at Gabby.

Erap's prayer
Gambling father,
who is in jueteng,
hakot be thy name.
Thy kickback come,
Thy wealth be done,
In wack-wack as it is in San Juan!

Laarni: Labs, bili mo naman ako ng pinakamalaking colored TV, yung bagay
sa mansion natin.
Erap: Yun lang pala e, no problem! Anung kulay ang gusto mo?

Noli Boy: Mr. President, sinunog ang effigy mo sa rally kanina sa Mendiola!
Erap: Sobra na sila! Lahat ng kaibigan ko dinamay na nila. Pati ba naman
si FPJ?

NewsFlash: Ang White Lady sa Balete Drive, hindi na nagpapakita, Ibinahay
na din ni Erap sa Boracay Mansion.

Grabe na ang dollar. 50 pesos to one dollar na. Malapit nang umabot sa IQ
ni Erap.
November 29
Famous Miriam Santiango Lines: 
1990 - Fight Graft and Corruption! 1997 - 
Anybody but Erap! 2000 - No to impeachment! Erap para sa Mahirap! 
2001 - Crispin! Basilio! Nasan na kayo??!? 
Tama Na! Sobra Na! Palitan Na! ..... 
ang nagkulot at nag-makeup kay Miriam. 
Joy: Labs, magka-anak pa kaya ako after 35? 
Erap: Ha? Ano?!?! Ayoko na! Ayokong maging 36 ang mga anak ko! 
Dong Puno: Mr. President, You are being accused of being anti-labor? 
Erap: Sobra na sila. Ako pa ang anti-labor? E, lahat naman ng mga anak ko, 
pinag-labor ng mga nanay nila! 
A Letter from Erap to his Pen-pal uncovered from his diary. 

Tondo, Manila May 16, 1957 
Dearest Pal. Hello! How's life going on there. I hope that you are in good health upon receiving 
my letter or may be you got suspened "coz" you did not expect that you can receive a letter 
from me.But before the world prolong into a line may I ask first you a gretest apology if ever I 
disturb you rest and relaxation expecially that when you are in concentration of you studying. 
And at the same time Pal, I greet you pleasant hello. I hope you can enjoing your life there. 
Pal, maybe you ask to yourself there if were came I know your name. By the pal, I found your 
name from column of song hit. And then I decide to make this letter for the reason that I want 
also a friend in other places so dont think any malice here my lettter okey!. But before I go to 
further may I introduce first my simple personality to you. Well....... beginning for the love of my 
parent they got a boy and have a name. 
My name is Joseph Marcelo Ejercito a fourth year high school student in Manila. Joseph for short. 
I'm 20 years old now. My heaight is 5'8" tall and 140 lbs. My birthday is coming every 19 of April 1937. 
Fair complexion under the zodiac sign of Aries. I'm a pure Filipino with little Chinesse blood. 
My mother is at home while my father is working as a golddigger.. He's digging golds at the mines. 
My hobbies is playing ball games reading komiks books, participating in school activities., and of course 
acting. I also like to listen to folk songs of Perry Como, Pat Boone, Everly Brothers and the Platters. I hate 
listening to instrumental music because they are always defective. I cant hear the voice of the songer. 
As for my school, I think my school likes me alot. They dont want me to go after 8 years. They told me 
others could get post graduate degrees after college , they said I can do it here in high school. I only need 
two more years to complete my Algebra. My families were so happy for father almost suffered a 
heart attack eveytime I showed him my report cards. Doesn't you think I'm good too?. My teacher also liked 
me . whenever she needed something done, she will called me. Like cleaning the board, scrubbing the floor 
and manning the garbage can. I'm also responsible in drawing conclusion to our laboratory experiments. 
Last time during our chemistrty class, when we are mixing different chemicals together and she wanted me 
to taste the result. I concluded that the solution is little bit deadly because I got hospitalized. They agreed. 
At the hospital, the lady doctor said that some of my brain cells got burned. I totally disagree with him because 
I know I didnt set my head on fire nor eat any lighted match. I only drank an acid solution. She laughed at me 
and told me I was funny. I think her name was Dr. Eloisa. She's cute. I think I finish also introducing my self to 
you and may be time is enough already for you to know who I am. Maybe this will be enough for you to guess 
myself, from now on you can describe my self in your imagination. 
Anyway Pal, I 'd like you answer me. Maybe you can send also your personal datas. Please I need you reply!!! 
I'm sorry for the handwriting, I have speech impediment eh. Regards to your family circle and especially to you. 
Take all necessary precautions. 
Your new friends, 
Just call me Erap




Copyright 2000
 All Rights Reserved