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  February 3rd  Week

 

Feb 19, 2000

Bakit may wrist band si ERAP?
Para malaman nya kung ano ang left sa right.

Pano mo malalaman kapag ginamit ni ERAP ang computer?
May liquid paper sa monitor.

Bakit nakatitig si ERAP sa juice bottle?
Kasi nakasulat concentrate.

Bakit nag-iismile si ERAP pag kumikidlat?
Akala niya may nagpi-picture taking.


Feb 18, 2000

Little ERAP opened a box of animal crackers and spread it all over the table.
MOM: What are you doing?
ERAP: It says on the box "Do not eat if SEAL is broken." Hinahanap ko yung SEAL!

ERAP to Gloria: Galing ng bagong cellphone ko! GSM!
GLORIA: Bakit naman?
ERAP: Kasi adaptable, pwede sa lahat!
GLORIA: Ha?
ERAP: Oo, GSM = Globe, Smart, Mobiline!

Ambassador to ERAP: I havenít met your wife? Where is she?
Napadaan si Loi.
ERAP: Oh my wife? She just passed away.

Erap was about to return a bottle of coke when he suddenly went back home.
WIFE: Why did you return?
ERAP: I forgot my hat. It says return with cap.

Returning from Australia...
ERAP: Ganda ng animals don lalo na yung dangaroos!
BODYGUARD: Sir, baka kangaroos?
ERAP: Hinde! Sabi ng sign "Please donít touch, these animals are dangerous!"

ERAP at a ballet performance. He sees the dancers tiptoeing and twirling.
ERAP: Tsk! Tsk! Silly choreographers! Why didnít they just find taller ballerinas?

At a restaurant Erap heard the couple next table are ordering: "Bring us Swiss steak and French fries."
ERAP: Iíll have the same, give me the sweepstakes and first prize.


Feb 17, 2000

BATA: Mr. President, bakit ganyan ka maglakad?
ERAP: Kasi sabi ng Doc, Cholesterol is bad for the heart. Kaya iniiwasan ko yung itlog.

ERAP in New York bumps into a blackman.
BLACKMAN: Hey watch it! You MUDAFUCKA!!!
ERAP: Gago to a, MADAFAKA rin sana!!!

ERAP paging Jinggoy: "Jinggoy, you left your beeper in the house."

ERAP to operator: Pwede bang malaman kung ano ang time difference ng Philippines sa U.S.?
OPERATOR: Just a minute, Sir...
ERAP: Oh i see... thanks!

Driver to ERAP: Boss, pakitingin naman yung signal lights kung gawa.
ERAP (nilabas ang ulo at tinignan): Oops gawa, oops sira, oops gawa...

FVR: Sorry Iím late. Na-stuck kasi ako sa elevator for 2 hrs.
ERAP: OK lang yon, ako nga na-stuck ako sa escalator for 3 hrs eh!

 


Feb 16, 2000

Erap at the Fish Port...
PRESS: Sir, kamusta ang peace and order dito?
ERAP: Ang fish marami, ang order konti dahil sa lumubog na barko.

Sa isang lamay...
ERAP: Tayo na Jinggoy, mauna na tayo.
JINGGOY: Bakit po?
ERAP: Hindi mo ba nakikita yung sign, "REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED."

ERAP: Wow, bango mo ngayon ah. Anong pabango mo?
Loi: Basta, secret!!
ERAP: Secret? diba pangpahid yon sa kilikili?


Feb 15, 2000

ERAP: Ano ang English ng "hindi ko alam?"
Ramos: I donít know!
ERAP: Ha ha ha!!!
Ramos: Bakit ka tumawa?
ERAP: Kasi hindi mo rin alam ang sagot!

CHINA: Weíll send a man to space by year 2000.
RUSSIA: Weíll send a man to the moon.
USA: Weíll send a man to Mars.
ERAP: Weíll send a man to the sun.
SCIENTIST: Impossible! Itís very HOT!
ERAP: Stupid! Weíll send him at night!

Erap orders pizza.
WAITER: Sir do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 or 8?
ERAP: 4 na lang baka hindi ko maubos pag-8!


Feb 14, 2000

EXOTIC COLORS:

Plematic Green,

Ebakish Brown,

Spermatic White,

Bulbonic Black,

Reglatic Red,

Uhogish Yellow,

Utongic Pink,

Clitoric Fuschia,

Bayagish Lavander


Feb 13, 2000

Q: Anong celfone ng mga gumagamit ng viagra?
A: Nokaya

Q: Eh ng mga malibog?
A: Ericsyon

Q: Ng mga naninilip?
A: Boscho

Q: Ng mga nagbabasa ng tabloid?
A: Motoymola

Q: Bakit mas malakas umutot ang boys kaysa sa girls?
A: Dahil may malapit na microphone!

 

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