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  December 4th  Week

 

Dec 31, 1999

Sa isang Cocktail Bar sa San Francisco International Airport, isang Pinoy ang nagpasyang magpalamig muna habang naghihintay ng sundo mula sa kanyang kamag-anak na kanyang binibisita. Ang Pinoy ay first time pa lang sa States and still green on ‘American Way of Life’.

While the Bartender is taking on orders from the other end of the bar, the Pinoy had a chance to observe how things are at least until the bartender gets to him for his cocktail order:

Bartender: "May I take your order please?"

Elderly couple: "I’ll have a ‘Roy Rogers’ and my wife wants ‘Shirley Temple"

Group of Businessmen:

Ist guy: "Harvey Wallbanger"

2nd guy: "Jim Beam, double"

3rd guy: "Jack Daniels, single"

4th guy: "Johnny Walker, single"

Pinoy: "VICENTE LIWANAG, MARRIED


Dec 30, 1999

Free Haircut

A barber was giving a haircut to a florist and when he was done, the florist asked how much it was. The barber said, "Oh, no charge; I'm doing a community service".

The next day, when he was opening his shop, the barber found a dozen roses in the front of the store.

That day, he was giving a haircut to a police officer and the police officer asked how much it cost. "Oh, no charge; I'm doing a community service", he said in reply again.

The next day he found a dozen donuts in the front of the store.

The barber gave a Filipino a haircut and when he was through, the Filipino asked how much to pay him. "Oh, no charge; I'm doing a community service", he said once again. Guess what he found the next day in the front of the store?

A dozen Filipinos all waitingfor a free haircut!


Dec 29, 1999

Y2K

Extracted from a note from the Zamboanga Government Office of Telecommunications and Information Technology:

To: Y2K Project Manager to the GOT IT Directory
From: Zamboanga Y2K Branch Team
Subject: Y2K Compliant Requirments

I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all the "y's" to "K's" for all the months on all the govermenment calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following new months:

  • Januark
  • Februark
  • Mak
  • Julk

I'm sure you'll be pleased that the project has been completed well in advance of the target completion date. Yes, in Zamboanga we are now 100% Y2K compliant.

Regards,

Joesph Manansala
Zamboanga Y2K Branch Team


Dec 28, 1999

Some Japanese terms...

I'll take this - KUKUNINKOTO

This is my desk - ITODESKO

Speechless - WASABE

Overtime - WAMEME

I have a lot of things to do - HIRONAKO

Q: Is this your car?
A: OTOMOTO?

Q: Is this my car?
A: OTOKOTO?

Q: Is this your noodles?
A: MIKIMOTO?

Q: Your sister has no more toes .
A: AJI no mo to.


Dec 27, 1999

Another Use in a Sentence

contributed by Lennie Ledesma

Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
(phone rings)... Hello? Who SCHOOLING?

Use AFFECT in a sentence.
Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.

Use ADIEU in a sentence.
If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.

Use DECANTER in a sentence.
You can order that medicine over DECANTER.

Use DELETION in a sentence.
The balat of DELETION is crispy.

Use DESPISE in a sentence.
Who baked all DESPISE?

Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.
I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic.

Use CALCULATOR in a sentence.
I'll see you tomorrow but I'll CALCULATOR.

Use DINUGUAN in a sentence.
I turned on the TV, but no matter how many times I tried, it DINUGUAN.

Use DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES in a sentence.
In a royal family, the son of a king and queen is called DIFFERENCE and the >daughter DIFFERENCES

Use CHICKEN BREAD in a sentence.
She's drowning and CHICKEN BREAD!

Use HOSTESS in a sentence.
When you answer the telephone, you say HOSTESS?

Use INDAY in a sentence.
Sing the Whitney Houston song: INDAY Will Always Love You.


Dec 26, 1999

Pinoy Translations

1. Persuading - Unang Kasal

2. Devastation - Istasyon ng bus

3. Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas

4. Masturbation - Malawakang gutom

5. Statue - Ikaw ba yan?

6. Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa

7. Aspect - Pantoso o pandurog ng yelo

8. Effort - Pariparan (o paradahan ng eroplano)

9. Deduct - Ang bibe

10. Defeat - Ang paa (ng bibe?)

11. Detail - Ang buntot (ng bibe?)

12. Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DIPOSIT is leaking)

13. City - Bago mag-utso (8)

14. Melt - Ngawit ng mewang

15. Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna

16. Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING

17. Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING

18. It depends - Kainin mo ang bakod

19. Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isa (11)

20. Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)

21. Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian.

22. Profit - Messenger of God

23. Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet

 

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