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  December 3rd  Week

 

Dec 25, 1999

MGA ERAP JOKES

In an emergency situation:
Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone.
Doctor: Are you choking? (joking)
Erap: I'M SERIOUS.


Erap is doing a citizen arrest on a foreigner:
Erap: "abuso ka na, ano ang pangalan mo? (while
writine the report)
Foreigner: "Vladimir Kromanikov Shneit Norkavanikov
manheit Slokevsky"
Erap: O, sige na nga, alis ka na!


PDI reporter: Mr. President, why did yoou beat up the
man yesterday at the health center?
Erap: Kita na niyang ninenerbyos ako sa result ng AIDS
test ko, tapos sasabihin nya "THINK POSITIVE"


Dec 24, 1999

FVR: Nagustuhan mo ba yung M&M's with peanuts na
pinadala ko sa yo?
Erap: oo naman, ang sarap sarap nga eh! kaso, MADUMI
LANG SA KUKO AT ANG HIRAP BALATAN!


Erap's wisdom:
1. don't judge a book for you are not a judge.
2. birds of the same feather are the same birds.
3. tell me who your friends are and i will tell mine.
4. An apple a day is 7 apples a week.


Erap while buying chewing gum at 7-11:
Erap: etong bayad ko.
Cashier: etong sukli nyo sir.
Erap: sukli lang, asan yung libreng ASUKAL? sabi dito
sa gum wrapper "SUGAR FREE"


Dec23, 1999

Press conference on environment at Malacanang:
PDI reporter: Mr. President, what are the pollutants
in the phil.
Erap: There are several pollutants. This includes
BOPIS, SISIG, SITSARON, DAING, LIEMPO AT MANI.


Erap while still in grade school:
Teacher: what is 5 plus 4?
Erap: eh di 9.
Teacher: what is 4 plus 5?
Erap: gagaguhin pa nyo ako, eh binaligtad nyo lang, 
eh di 6.


While in a drug store
Erap: i'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: sir, vitamin a, b, or c?
Erap: it doesn't matter coz he can't read yet!


Dec 22, 1999

Erap while translating a speech.
"We mush strive"- kailangan nating magsikap.
"We must help others" - kailangan nating magtulungan.
"In union there is strength"- SA SIBUYAS MAY TIGAS!!!


In a science class:
Classmate: bakit yung airplane pag umiikot yung elisi,
umaangat sa lupa? bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot
nasa mesa pa rin?
Erap: Tanga ka pala eh! kasi yung bentilador may
kurdon, pinipigilan yon.


During a state dinner with the wives in Washington DC 
Bill to hillary: pls. pass the sugar SWEETHEART
Blair to wife: pls. pass the honey, HONEYBUNCH
Erap to Loi : pls. pass the pork, PORKYPIG


Dec 21, 1999

While hailing a taxicab in Makati?
Erap: Magkano papuntang San Juan?
Driver: Ikaw lang bang mag-isa?
Erap: Bakit di ka sasama?


While in friends wake:
Erap: tayo na Jinggoy, mauna na tayo.
Jinggoy: Dad, maaga pa, kararating lang natin.
Erap: hindi mo ba nababasa yung sign? "REMAINS WILL BE
CREMATED"


Erap calling U.P. Diliman:
hello! is this Diliman?
Operator: No, this is PADRE FAURA.
Erap: i'm sorry Father, wrong number !!!


Dec 20, 1999

While taking a shower at home, he called loi.
Erap: Bakit walang shampoo dito?
Loi: Anong wala, kabibili ko lang kanina ng shampoo,
eh.
Erap: Eh puro for dry hair lang ang meron, basa na ang
buhok ko!!!


Why does Erap take off his clothes whenever he takes
exams?
Coz the test question says "ANSWER IN BRIEF"


Erap to Malacanang hardinero: i thought i told you to
water the plants?
Hardinero: Yes you did sir, but it is raining hard
right now, sir.
Erap(mad): Thats no excuse, i know we supplied you
with raincoats.


Dec 19, 1999

ANG LABO N'YO MEN

If u smile at 'em, they think pa-cute ka
If u don't naman, sasabihan kang suplada
If u respond to his love agad, they think your easy
toget
If it took u years to decide, sobra kang pa-hard to
get
If u go out with him alone, sasabihan kang liberated
Kapag may chaperone along, bad trip k'se madidisturb
If u go out with another guy, tingin sa'yo play girl
'Pag stick ka sa kanya, they'll proclaim yer dead na
dead
If u ask him where he's been, sasabihan kang over
protective
'Pag pinabayaan mo naman, they think yer fooling lang
If u let him kiss yah, he thinks yer cheap
If u refuse naman, he'll go find another chick....
Girls are just humans and may mistakes den,
And we often woder, ba't ANG LABO N'YO MEN?!


ANG LABO N'YO DIN

If we smile at ou, you'll think crush namin kayo
If u don't naman, sasabihan kang feeling gwapo
If u respod to her crush agad, they think yer taking
advantage
If it took u years to notice, sobra kang manhid at
torpe
If u go out with her alone, sasabihan kang boring
Kapag may barkada along, bad trip k'se barkada pa din
If u go out with another girl, tingin sa'yo playboy
'Pag stick ka sa kanya, they'll proclaim yer dead na
dead
If u ask where she's been, sasabihan kang possessive
'Pag pinabayaan mo naman, they think yer fooling lang
If u kiss her, she thinks yer going too fast
If u don't naman, she'll say yer unromantic....
Boys are just humans and may mistakes den,
And we often wonder, ba't ANG LABO NYO DIN?!

 

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